Expressing anal glands

Thursday October 11, 2012

A quick lick is fine for young Rover, butt you know that he’s not meant to chew it,
your least favorite end, of your four-legged friend, needs attention so why not just do it.

Okay then…distasteful as it may seem, let’s talk about your dogs’ anus.

“If you insist. More tea Vicar?”

Just inside your dogs’ anus are 2 glands which coat their poop with scent, allowing them to mark their territory and identify each other.
Occasionally, these glands fail to empty, either due to blockage, or the stool being too soft to activate them. This can cause the dog significant discomfort, leading to the dog dragging his butt around (‘scooting’), excessive licking, chasing the tail, or chewing at the rear end (often leading to hair loss).

You can fix this problem for him in 30 seconds flat, and all you need is a finger and a rubber glove (and perhaps a stiff drink).

Procedure:
Approach the dog with a weird grin, whilst waggling your eyebrows and snapping the rubber glove into place. Stand the dog up and lift the tail. At this point the dog will look quizzically between your face and his backside a few times as if to say ‘erm…what ARE you doing?’. Ignore him, he’s just playing coy.

Gently push your first finger up his bottom. There’s no need to call out Dynorod here, you only need to go as deep as your first knuckle to reach the glands. At this point he’ll realise exactly what’s going on, and will generally relax.

If you think of a clock face, you’ll find the glands as hardened lumps at 4 and 8 o’clock, just inside the anus.

Squeeze them gently between your thumb (outside) and forefinger (inside) to expel the tan coloured liquid, and remove your digit from his bum.

Your dog will instantly display his happiness, and if he doesn’t, it’s probably because you made him feel dirty with all that pervy eyebrow waggling.

Chris

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